The Real Secret to Connecting with People

To connect with people, we pay attention to their needs and think how our value can help them meet their needs or solve their problems.

So it is always about them (our audience’s needs and problems), never about us.
Many people can gain from the value we create and the benefits we offer. So our success does not depend on any one particular member of the audience.

On the other hand, each member of the audience depends wholly on the value we create and the benefits we offer vis-à-vis their problem or need.

It’s like the story of the boy and the starfish.

One day, a boy and his friend were walking along a sandy beach. Many starfish washed up by the waves were strewn across the sandy beach, dying. The starfish desperately need to return to the sea quickly or they will die. The boy, seeing the dire situation of the starfish, bended over, picked up one starfish and threw it back into the sea. His friend asked: “Why did you do that? What difference would it make? There are so many starfish lying on the beach.” To this the boy replied as he picked up another starfish, flinging it back into the sea, “I made a world of difference to that one.”

So focus on seeing where people need help with their problems or needs, while we create value. Focus on how the values we create can benefit our audience and solve their problems, thus making a positive difference for each individual.

It’s About Them, Never About You

To be able to persuade, you need to have a connection between you and your audience.

Imagine a connection to be like a rope. You are holding one end and your audience holding the other end. The rope will be taut when the audience is pulling it towards them. The rope will be slack when the audience is not pulling or if they let go of the rope. It is futile to try to keep the rope taut by pushing it towards the audience.

The audience will pull the rope towards them when they know that we create value and can offer benefits to them i.e. we can solve their problem or meet their need.

So to make a connection, our part is to create value and focus on how our value can benefit our audience i.e. solve their problem or meet their need. The audience’s part is to want the benefits we can offer because it can solve their problem or meet their need i.e. the motivation to pull the rope to keep the connection taut.

Own Your Success Story

Hi, I am Tony,

I am Asia’s only life coach helping people achieve success by showing them how to write their success stories.

Psychologists found that even though the life stories of all successful people are unique, they all follow the same pattern. Their live stories pass through the same stages – they have the same road map to success. The pattern is the same whether the success story is in Asia or in the US, in Singapore today, or in ancient China. It is in our DNA.

The reason why most people are unsuccessful is because they are not aware of this story pattern - that we have this in our DNA. Fortunately, because it is already in us, anyone can learn this success pattern in a day, and benefit for a life time.

What I do is to make people aware of this powerful story pattern that is already in our DNA.

Once you have your own life story in your hands, the qualities of successful people like self awareness, proactivity, persistence, and emotional intelligence come to you naturally.

That is why I call myself a Treasure Hunter – I help people uncover their hidden gifts through story writing.

I have half-day, one-day and two-day workshops to show you the basic story pattern, and guide you through crafting your stories like your financial freedom story, personal relationship story, career story, and so on.

I work with small groups, and also on an one-to-one basis.

Clicking on this link itrustican.blogspot.com will take you to my website which has more information on my unique programme.

The Hero's Journey - Am I a Hero?

What does it mean to be a "hero”?

What must one do to be a “hero”?

Can only certain people be “heroes”?

Why would anyone want to be a “hero”?

Is every one a hero-in-the-making, including you and I?

How do we find the “hero” in us?

After studying the myths and stories of cultures across the world and through the ages, Joseph Campbell concluded that no matter which culture and what era, the human race shares similar ideas about what is a hero.

Joseph Campbell’s answer to the question: “What is a hero?” is:

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”

Many shared similar ideas about what is a hero:

Aristotle – “Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, lies your calling.”

Rose Resnick - “I’ve learned that the happiest people are those who lose themselves in something bigger.”

Mahatma Ghandi - “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Oprah Winfrey - “The best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service.”

Anonymous - “The best use of our life is to so live our life that the use of our life outlives our own lives.”

Henry Ford – “Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.”

Jim Rohn – “Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness - great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy.”

Rabindranath Tagore – “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger – “Help others and give something back. I guarantee you will discover that while public service improves the lives and the world around you, its greatest reward is the enrichment and new meaning it will bring your own life.”

Anthony Robbins – “Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfilment.”

A non-hero is preoccupied with questions of identity, self esteem and self image.

Who am I? How do I feel?

How do I look to others? What must I do to look better to others?

To non-heroes the answers lay in the external visible trappings of success. They become self indulgent and are obsessed with the trendiest fashion, the swankiest homes, the flashiest cars, the most exquisite dining, the fanciest vacations, the most glamorous companions, and other indulgences.

A hero who has embarked on his Hero’s Journey to give his life to something bigger than himself, asks:

 How do others see themselves? What can I do to help them see their best self?

The hero identifies his special gifts, develops them to the genius level, and applies them as the Elixir in his community’s service.

The Hero’s Journey does not end with success at securing his rewards. A hero goes beyond success and seeks significance through service.

Are you a hero? The answer is a resounding YES! You are already one. You have always been one.

You just need to reconnect with your authentic core.

Levels of Life Coaching

There are 3 levels of life coaching.

Level 1, the lowest level, is performance coaching. At level 1, the coach works with tactics and techniques to deal with specific challenges like a difficult person at work, a job interview, a high stake examination, a debate or a negotiation. The focus is on processes and drills. Once the specific situation is handled and passed, the clients are back to their old ways. There is no fundamental change in the client’s character or view of life. For example, a client might master the drills and aces the examination, but remains basically under confident and have low self esteem.

Level 2 coaching is basically the same as level 1 except that it focuses on a category of needs such as relationships, career, speech, sales, investing and parenting rather than on a specific situation. Though broader than level 1 coaching, level 2 is still about processes and drills, and leaves the client’s life generally unchanged as it is.

Level 3, is transformational coaching. This level changes the client’s mental filters and map of the world. At level 3, the coach works with insights. Insights, once seen cannot be unseen. Level 3 coaching, stretches the client’s mind with insights.

And, the mind is like a rubber band. Once stretched by an insight, it cannot return to its previous state. Level 3 coaching makes the most enduring change in the client as it operates on the client’s identity, beliefs and values. Seemingly small shifts at this strategic level lead to lasting, big changes in a client's life.

Once a change takes place at level 3, level 1 and 2 changes follow naturally and effortlessly. Level 3 is catalytic. It changes the client from inside out. It changes the client’s behaviour by changing his identity, beliefs and values.

Level 1 and 2 works on doing. Level 3 works on being, on self realization, and the aha! moment.

Level 3 is the most liberating as it frees your mind to live big.

Life coaching is most effective when it touches the client at all 3 levels.

Follow Your Bliss

A highly acclaimed teacher had numerous admirers and followers because of his insights about human nature.

One day, one of his many students asked him: “What difference do you want to make in people through your teachings?”

The teacher replied: “I have no such wants.”

The student stunned and confused by the teacher’s reply asked: “If you do not want to make a difference with your insights, why then do you teach?”

The teacher smiled and asked: “Why does a bird sing?”

Just follow your bliss, use your gift. Do what you do best naturally. There is no need for any external motive.

The teacher was happy just sharing his insights on human nature as a bird would be happy sharing his song.

People will change themselves on their own accord when the insight moves them.

When you find your voice, by all means SING!

Those who would benefit from your gift will help themselves.

I have found my voice, and my personal mission statement is to use my creativity and enthusiasm to inspire and empower children, young adults and elders to access their inner treasures and get the life they deserve by crafting their life story.

Get The Life That You Want By Crafting Your Life Story

Do you know that the story can also be a powerful tool to help you get the life that you want?

All of us have a story. Our life is a story.

Everyday we are writing our story, word by word, sentence by sentence, page by page, whether we are aware of it or not.

How will our story end? Does our story have a happy, triumphant ending? Or will it be a sad, tragic ending?

Whether we write our story consciously or not, there are patterns in our daily living. From these patterns we can tell how our life story will pan out.

The ability to write our own life story is a uniquely human gift. No other living thing has this gift.

Yet not all of us use this unique and powerful privilege. Some of us let other people write our story. Some just let circumstances write their story.

If we can design a wonderful life for ourselves by writing our own story, why not?

If you want to know how to craft your own legend, come and join us at Chua Chu Kang Community Club Toastmaster Club for an afternoon of sharing and fellowship with fellow Toastmasters and friends.

I will be sharing tools to write our life story ourselves.

There will be no charge but please register your attendance by sending an email to our Club President, Competent Communicator Antonia Beetsma at beetsma@jtc.gov.sg by 17 Dec so that we can prepare the light refreshments.

Looking forward to a fun and fruitful Saturday afternoon.

Thank you.

What is My Life's Work?

The Leaky Bucket

Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a young monk who drew water from the well and carried it back to the temple everyday. The young monk carried two buckets of water slung on a bamboo pole across his shoulders.

One of the buckets was perfect while the other one was a leaky bucket with several holes on the sides. Every time the young monk filled up the two buckets and got back to the temple, the leaky bucket would be half empty as water sprinkled out through the holes on its sides.

The leaky bucket was sad that it was imperfect and water was leaking from its sides. One day, on the way to the well, the leaky bucket plucked up enough courage and spoke with the young monk with an apologetic tone:

"Master, I am sorry that I am imperfect and could not keep the water from sprinkling through the holes on my sides."

The young monk smiled slightly and nodded his head knowingly, and silently in acknowledgement.

When at the well, the young monk drew the water and filled up the two buckets as usual.

On the way back to the temple, the young monk said to the leaky bucket, who was very quiet.

"Look to the side of the road where the perfect bucket passed over. It is barren. Not even a blade of grass grows here."

Pointing to the blooming flowers on the other side of the road, the young monk said to the leaky bucket.

"See these beautiful flowers? These are here only because of the water you sprinkled on them everyday. They owe their existence to you, and we are able to enjoy these beautiful flowers, only because of you. Your imperfection has brought benefits to people around you."

Reflection

The water in the pail reminds me of our gifts and we are like the leaky bucket. All of us are imperfect and all of us have gifts - gifts that will bring value and benefits to others when put to good use.

Our imperfections are the channels that allow our gifts to flow to where it is most useful.

Embrace our imperfections and find ways to combine it with our gifts to create value and benefits for others.

Leave a Lasting Legacy

Great Leaders are People Builders

Always Leave Others in a Better State

The Secret to a Life Well Lived is Really Quite Simple

Listening is an Act of Love

Sharing Happiness is Like Throwing a Boomerang. It Always Comes Back.

Leave A Legacy

Help Others, Help Yourself

I Trust, I Can

I Trust, I Can

Give to Receive