Own Your Success Story

Hi, I am Tony,

I am Asia’s only life coach helping people achieve success by showing them how to write their success stories.

Psychologists found that even though the life stories of all successful people are unique, they all follow the same pattern. Their live stories pass through the same stages – they have the same road map to success. The pattern is the same whether the success story is in Asia or in the US, in Singapore today, or in ancient China. It is in our DNA.

The reason why most people are unsuccessful is because they are not aware of this story pattern - that we have this in our DNA. Fortunately, because it is already in us, anyone can learn this success pattern in a day, and benefit for a life time.

What I do is to make people aware of this powerful story pattern that is already in our DNA.

Once you have your own life story in your hands, the qualities of successful people like self awareness, proactivity, persistence, and emotional intelligence come to you naturally.

That is why I call myself a Treasure Hunter – I help people uncover their hidden gifts through story writing.

I have half-day, one-day and two-day workshops to show you the basic story pattern, and guide you through crafting your stories like your financial freedom story, personal relationship story, career story, and so on.

I work with small groups, and also on an one-to-one basis.

Clicking on this link itrustican.blogspot.com will take you to my website which has more information on my unique programme.

Do You Know Where You Are Going To?

Crafting and having our own life story allows us a certain detachment from the noise in our environment. We live life as if we are at a window seat on a train journey. Our life story is the train journey – the route and destination are clear.

As we are on our journey, we will see different landscape and scenery where our train passes. Some of these scenes are pleasant and delightful. Other scenes can be sad, even terrifying.

When we have our story in our minds, we are able to view these scenes with a certain detachment and serenity. We stay on our train and do not get side tracked or confused by the temptations or ordeals we meet along the way.

We will be better able to withstand any trials, and enjoy the journey when we have a clear vision of our destination and journey.

Our Conscious and Unconscious Mind

Our mind consists of two distinct parts – our conscious and unconscious.

Our conscious mind houses our critical, analytical thoughts. It can hold only 7 chunks of information at any moment.

Our unconscious mind houses our beliefs, values, attitudes, emotions and memories, and controls our vital body functions. Our unconscious mind can hold an infinite amount of information.

Based on the amount of information it can hold, our conscious mind is like an "ant" while our unconscious mind is like an “elephant”. Vince Poscente uses this metaphor in his book The Ant and the Elephant, and in his trainings.

While we are aware of our conscious mind which is but a tiny ant, most of us are oblivious to our unconscious mind though it is big as an elephant.

Imagine a tiny ant on the back of a massive elephant. It doesn’t matter how hard the ant crawls east, if the elephant he rides on walks in the opposite direction, the ant will end up even farther west than his starting point.

Likewise, we will find ourselves further from our goals if our conscious and unconscious minds move in different directions.

Fortunately, we have tools that help us align our elephant with the intentions of our ant.

The Hero’s Journey pattern is a powerful tool that will help your ant tame your elephant.

The Hero's Journey - Am I a Hero?

What does it mean to be a "hero”?

What must one do to be a “hero”?

Can only certain people be “heroes”?

Why would anyone want to be a “hero”?

Is every one a hero-in-the-making, including you and I?

How do we find the “hero” in us?

After studying the myths and stories of cultures across the world and through the ages, Joseph Campbell concluded that no matter which culture and what era, the human race shares similar ideas about what is a hero.

Joseph Campbell’s answer to the question: “What is a hero?” is:

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”

Many shared similar ideas about what is a hero:

Aristotle – “Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, lies your calling.”

Rose Resnick - “I’ve learned that the happiest people are those who lose themselves in something bigger.”

Mahatma Ghandi - “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Oprah Winfrey - “The best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service.”

Anonymous - “The best use of our life is to so live our life that the use of our life outlives our own lives.”

Henry Ford – “Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.”

Jim Rohn – “Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness - great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy.”

Rabindranath Tagore – “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger – “Help others and give something back. I guarantee you will discover that while public service improves the lives and the world around you, its greatest reward is the enrichment and new meaning it will bring your own life.”

Anthony Robbins – “Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfilment.”

A non-hero is preoccupied with questions of identity, self esteem and self image.

Who am I? How do I feel?

How do I look to others? What must I do to look better to others?

To non-heroes the answers lay in the external visible trappings of success. They become self indulgent and are obsessed with the trendiest fashion, the swankiest homes, the flashiest cars, the most exquisite dining, the fanciest vacations, the most glamorous companions, and other indulgences.

A hero who has embarked on his Hero’s Journey to give his life to something bigger than himself, asks:

 How do others see themselves? What can I do to help them see their best self?

The hero identifies his special gifts, develops them to the genius level, and applies them as the Elixir in his community’s service.

The Hero’s Journey does not end with success at securing his rewards. A hero goes beyond success and seeks significance through service.

Are you a hero? The answer is a resounding YES! You are already one. You have always been one.

You just need to reconnect with your authentic core.

The Hero’s Journey Steps in a Nutshell

The Hero’s Journey is a series of broadly defined steps all heroes go through.

At the core, it is mankind’s intrinsic story. It is a story that is imprinted in the unconscious mind of all mankind.

In this intrinsic story, we are all heroes and we are all on this Journey, whether we are conscious of it or not. We greatly enhance our lives and that of others when we are conscious of our story and take responsibility for our own Hero’s Journey. Our gifts and talents will flourish for the benefit of all.

If we are ignorant of our story, the hero in us remains dormant and we live small lives that do not do justice to our gifts and talents. We and others are poorer as a result.

The Hero’s Journey described in Joseph Campbell’s book, Man With a Thousand Faces, consists of 17 steps. Stories with all 17 steps are very rare.

Most stories will have these 8 steps:

The Call to Adventure - The hero meets a challenge.

Accepting the Call – The hero accepts the challenge.

The Crossing of the Threshold – The hero’s quest takes him into the unknown and dangerous realm.

Meeting the Mentor – The hero finds mentors who help him with his quest.

Facing the Ordeal - The challenge puts the hero into his lowest point or darkest moment.

The Hero is Transformed – The hero emerges from the ordeal a better person.

The Reward – The hero takes the prize of his quest.

Return with the Elixir – The hero uses his prize to benefit his people

Hero’s Welcome

Joseph Campbell (1904-1987)

The Hero's Journey is inspired by the teachings of Joseph Campbell, the great American mythologist.

After studying stories from across the world and through the ages, Campbell found that all stories are expressions of the same story-pattern, which he named the "Hero's Journey."

Adolf Bastian (1826-1905)

Campbell built on the pioneering work of German anthropologist Adolf Bastian, who first pointed out that myths from all over the world seem to share the same "elementary ideas."

Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung named these elementary ideas "archetypes," which he believed are the building blocks not only of the unconscious mind, but of a collective unconscious. Jung believed that everyone in the world is born with the same basic unconscious model of what is a "hero", a "mentor" an "ordeal", or a “reward”, and that's why people from unrelated cultures and separated by centuries can enjoy the same stories.

One of Campbell's key insights is that the "Hero’s Journey" is more than the underlying archetype of a good story; it is our internal compass that teaches us how to live well.

We as human beings are all on this universal Hero’s Journey, regardless of whether we are conscious of this fact or not.

Failure to recognize this basic premise is why many people feel that life is endlessly "doing it to us".

The Hero’s Journey is the Holy Grail buried deep within our unconscious, waiting to be unearthed. Through awakening, we realise that the Hero’s Journey provides us a rich and useful road map, based on a timeless tale of personal trials that lead to transformation, and the discovery of one’s true self - the treasure of who we really are.

The Hero’s Journey Makes Your Goals SMART

In his book What They Don't Teach You in the Harvard Business School, Mark McCormack cited a study conducted on the students in the 1979 Harvard MBA class. The students were asked:

"Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?"

Only 3% of the class had written goals and plans. 13% had goals, but did not write them down. 84% had no specific goals at all!

Ten years later, the researchers interviewed the MBA Class of ’79 again, and the findings were simply stunning. The 13% who had unwritten goals were earning twice as much as the 84% who had no goals at all. And what of the 3% who had clear, written goals? They were earning ten times as much as the other 97% put together!

Does anyone need any more convincing before they start setting goals smartly?

A good way to set goals is the S.M.A.R.T. way. S.M.A.R.T. is the acronym for:

• S – Specific
• M – Measurable
• A – Achievable
• R – Realistic
• T – Timed Frame

Top business coach, Jim Rohn said that the most effective goals, are those that our hearts conceive, our minds believe, and our bodies will carry out.

Setting S.M.A.R.T. goals using the Hero’s Journey,

The Calling – Accepting the Call – Crossing the Threshold – Meeting the Mentor – Facing the Ordeal – The Hero is Transformed – The Reward - Return with the Elixir,

helps us set S.M.A.R.T. goals that engage our hearts, minds and body.

Specific – To be specific, a goal must address the six "W" questions:

• Who: Who is involved?
• What: What do I want to accomplish?
• Where: Identify a location.
• When: Establish a time frame.
• Which: Identify requirements and constraints.
• Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.

The Hero’s Journey addresses all the “W” questions comprehensively and in a way that connects our heart with our mind:

• Who: Who is the Hero? Mentor? Demon?
• What: What is the Calling? Reward? Elixir?
• Where: Where is the Threshold? Return the Elixir to where?
• When: When will the Journey end and when will the milestones be crossed?
• Which: What are the demons in the way of accepting the Calling? Reward?
• Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of the Calling, the Elixir. 

Measurable – The Hero’s Journey sets concrete criteria for measuring progress towards the attainment of the goal we set, the Reward we sought. Concrete criteria let us know whether we have attained our goal or not. When we measure our progress, we stay on track, meet our target dates, and experience the joy of achievement that spurs us on to sustained effort required to reach our goal.

Achievable – The Hero’s Journey helps us figure out ways we can make our goals come true. The Hero’s Journey has a plan that transforms us, helps us develop the attitudes, abilities, and skills to reach our goals.

When we set our goals and make our plans with the Hero’s Journey, we build our self-image as the lead actor. We see ourselves as worthy of these goals, and develop the traits and personality that allow us to achieve them.

Realistic - The Hero’s Journey makes our goal realistic as it makes us willing and able to work towards it. Realistic goals should be big and audacious. A high goal is often more attainable than a low one because low goals generate little motivational power. As Goethe said "Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men."

Timed Frame - The Hero’s Journey gives our goals a concrete time frame and structure. Some people spend a lot of time talking about what they want to do, someday. But, without a target date and milestones there is no sense of urgency, no reason to take any action today or even tomorrow. The Hero’s Journey provides specific time frames that give us the impetus to get going and also helps us track our progress.

The importance of setting our goals is clear. Poor goals lead to poor results. Incomplete goals lead to incomplete results. The S.M.A.R.T. way helps us set smarter goals.

The Hero’s Journey way of goal setting makes the S.M.A.R.T. way even better.

Success Attributes and the Hero’s Journey

A 20-year study by the Frostig Center for Children with Learning Disabilities in California, found that six success attributes have a greater influence on success than such factors as academic achievement, gender, socio-economic status, ethnicity, and even Intelligence Quotient (IQ).

These success attributes are:

• Self-awareness
• Proactivity
• Perseverance
• Goal setting
• The presence and use of effective support systems
• Emotional coping strategies.

The Frostig Centre research found that successful persons with learning disabilities are much more likely to have these attributes than unsuccessful individuals.

These success attributes can lead to successful life outcomes for everyone, not just those with learning disabilities.

By crafting our life story as a Hero’s Journey, we can intergrate these six success attributes into our lives so that we can live our lives at full potential and satisfaction.

Crafting our life story enhances our self-awareness as we will be better able to recognize the strengths, weaknesses, passion, and special talents of the lead actor in our own life story - that is us!

Writing our own life story is a thoroughly proactive endeavour! We are literally taking our destiny into our own pen (I mean hands), and setting the purpose and desired outcomes in our lives. By writing our own story we are taking total responsibility for our own decisions, actions and results. What can be a greater act of self advocacy and initiative than writing and living our own life story?

Writing our own story builds our perseverance as story writers know that “Facing the Ordeal” is a necessary part of the hero’s journey to the “ultimate boon”. Story writers know that difficult situations are valuable opportunities for learning and growing. They know that The Ordeal only makes them stronger and wiser but only as long as they are not overwhelmed by adversity, back away from challenges, or give up.

Writing our own life story is a fun way to set goals. Story writers set goals that are specific, with enough flexibility to adjust to specific circumstances and situations. Our story includes our strategy, the direction, and steps we wish to take to reach our goals.

Our life story includes our support network of mentors who give us guidance, support, and encouragement on our life journey. Story writers do not simply wait for someone to come to their aid when they need support. They actively seek the support of mentors (who could be family, friends, colleagues, etc) as they are keenly aware that Meeting the Mentor is part of their life story.

Story writers recognise that stress laden phases like Crossing the Threshold, Facing the Ordeal and Transformation are part and parcel of the hero’s journey. Therefore, story writers anticipate the situations that trigger stress and have emotional coping strategies already written in their life stories. Story writers have a confident, positive, optimistic outlook as they know that the happy ending to their life story - Returning with the Elixir - had already been written!

Hero's Journey Exercise

100th Birthday Speech - An Example

Using the Wheel of Life we have a clearer picture of where we are at now in the 8 chosen key aspects of our life. The next step is to get a clearer picture of where we want to be. What must it be before we score a 10 in any of the 8 chosen aspects?

We can get a clearer picture of our desired life by writing our 100th birthday speech now.

Write your 100th birthday speech in the second person i.e. through the eyes of your best friend or your spouse. Imagine her reading out the speech at your 100th birthday.

Craft your speech covering each of the 8 aspects you have chosen to make up your Wheel of Life. For each aspect, write down what you desire. What would score a 10 on the Wheel of Life for you? Write it in as much detail and as vividly as possible. How do you feel? Where are you? What do you see and hear? Focus on the what, never mind the how at this stage. Take a look at the example below. 

Max's 100 Birthday Speech by His Beloved Wife

This beautiful house where we are honouring Max today, has Max’s personality all over it. In it’s over 30 rooms, the privileged young people who are here enjoy Max’s mentorship in a comfortable, safe and conducive environment. From the veranda, we can see and hear the sea, and enjoy the sea breeze. Walk to the back and we find ourselves in the hills and the ancient rainforest. The lawn is lush and Max’s favourite pastime is to watch the fishes play in his pond and reading a good book sitting by the pond. In the cool of the pavilion beside the pond, Max loves the serenity and he writes his books here that lift the spirits of millions. Max also often conducts his life coaching in this idyllic pavilion by the pond.

Look at Max. 100 years old and he still has that spring in his walk. Everyone knows that trekking and walking are Max’s passions. Everyday he walks two hours in the beautiful hills just behind this house. Wherever he goes on his training trips overseas, Max always makes time to explore the city on foot. He will let his curiosity lead him to all the little nooks and crannies around the city, just like he did during his first overseas trip as a teenager to West Malaysia and South Thailand. At 100, Max still has a well toned body, square shoulders, nice legs and abs! Besides looking good, Max’s blood pressure, blood cholesterol and sugar are all in the healthy range. He is still able to enjoy his favourite foods and drinks though not at the same sized portions as before. Oh, I must mention that Max is an expert in herbal remedies. You can ask him about it.

In the last 50 years, Max has travelled to every continent to spread the message of Whole Life Thinking™. Millions of people have benefited from his workshops and from his best selling books. Max derived great satisfaction talking to high school and university students as well as young professionals and anyone who is interested in making the most of their lives. He firmly believes that everyone deserves to raise to her highest potential and he is committed to help as many people as possible achieve it.

The thing I admire most about Max is his passion for learning, knowledge and wisdom. Max has diverse interests and he has the ability to see connections between seemingly unrelated things. At 100, he still devours books at an amazing rate. Himself an acclaimed teacher, Max seeks out the wise men of this world and treasures their wise words and example. To this day, in spite of his own considerable achievements and contributions, Max still humbly sees himself as a student. His humility keeps him growing, and his mind and pen are sharper than ever.

I love my Max and so do his children, grand children, family, friends, and his students. Max dedicates his life to helping people live their lives to its highest potential. He has that special quality to make everyone he meets feel they too can live BIG and that their lives are worth living. At every moment, he does his utmost to live his life, guided by the values of love and compassion. You being here today from around the world to celebrate Max’s birthday is testimony that he has truly touched the lives of many of us.

Max loves me with all his heart. His love is simple and pure. Child like. It is very hard to describe and I know it as I have been blessed with the privilege to feel it - just like it was when we first met. Playful as ever, Max is always making me laugh with his quick wit and unique sense of humour. Max's jokes are side splitting funny. Max always puts me foremost in his mind. He knows me better than I know myself. Max is my lighthouse – shows me the way and protects me. Always there, always upright, standing strong for me.

Max lives a simple life even though his Whole Life Thinking™ business is a global success. Franchisees whom Max had carefully selected share the same ideals and values that energise Max. Max has personally trained more than 1000 franchisees and they are spreading Max’s messages in all the continents across the world. Max is also an accomplished author. He already has 9 books that made it to the New York Times bestsellers list and he is working on another one now!

Though he lives a simple lifestyle, we all know that Max is a wealthy man. Max nurtures his finances wisely but he has never been obsessed with money. Max is sharp and alert to those opportunities that come once every few years to enhance one’s financial position. He has taken those opportunities well. The assets in his holding today are testimony of his outstanding financial stewardship. Max’s wise financial stewardship has blessed him with the financial freedom to dedicate his life to the service of others through Whole Life Thinking™.

May I invite all of you to join me in a toast to Max. To say a big thank you for adding cheer in our lives, empowering us and making a positive difference to our world. You are an inspiration for all of us to live our lives fully committed, passionate, and enlightened.

Happy 100th birthday Max! We all love you!

Who’s a hero?

After studying the myths and stories of cultures across the world and through the ages, Joseph Campbell concluded that no matter which culture and what era, the human race shares similar ideas about what is a hero and what heroes go through in their lives.

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”

By Campbell’s definition a hero is an everyday person who acts beyond her duty to help or save others. We all can be true heroes, if we make the choice.

We accept our Calling, cross the threshold, meet our mentors, face the ordeal, are transformed by it, receive the reward, and return to uplift our community.

The Hero’s Journey is not about drama and fury but love, joy, strength and compassion.

A non-hero is preoccupied with questions of identity, self esteem and self image.

      Who am I? How do I feel?

      How do I look to others? What must I do to look better to others?

A hero who has embarked on his Hero’s Journey to give his life to something bigger than himself, asks – How do others see themselves? What can I do to help them see their best self?

The hero identifies his special gifts, develops them to the genius level, and applies them as the Elixir for his community’s service.

The Hero’s Journey requires a healthy balance of self development and developing others.

A hero who tries to help others without first developing himself will soon find that his enterprise lacks substance and is of little effect.

Everyone wants to be a hero, to hear their own stories. Many are called, but few answered.

What will you do about that?

YOUR HERO'S JOURNEY

Using the Wheel of Life we have a clearer picture of where are at now regarding the key aspects of our life. Using the 100th Birthday Speech we have a clearer picture of where we want to be at regarding the most important aspects of our life. Now we need something that will help us get from where we at now to where we want to be.

There are several tools we that can help us. The Hero's Journey - a method based on the work of famed mythologist Joseph Campbell - is one of my favourites.

After detailed study of hundreds of myths and stories from around the world and through the ages from ancient to modern times, Joseph Campbell found that they all follow a similar pattern. Campbell calls the pattern, the monomyth.

Campbell found that anyone who set out on a journey of self improvement, whether in China, Europe, America, Australia or Africa, whether in medieval or modern times, goes through the Hero's Journey and follow the same stages.

Campbell said: “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”

The Hero’s Journey is a wondrous tool that serves as a kind of mental road map that focuses your attention on your intention. The Hero’s Journey maps out your original vision (the intention which you set), your destination and the stages in the journey to get there.

The knowledge that our difficulties are not unique, that everyone seeking to upgrade themselves face the same transformational changes and pains is a source of strength.

As these are abstract/ mental milestones - not physical/ tangible milestones – it complements traditional goal setting. The hero’s journey speaks to us at the gut level while traditional goal setting addresses us at the head level.

Your being here to seek self improvement makes you a hero. This is your hero's journey.

CALL TO ADVENTURE

The hero in his comfortable but Ordinary World is presented with a problem, opportunity, challenge or adventure.

The Call could be something negative like being passed over for promotion or being retrenched. The Call could also be something positive like an opportunity to be a partner in an established business.

The Call can come in the form of a message, letter, phone call, conversation, dream, or an insight.

ACCEPTING THE CALLING.

The Call to Adventure comes to those who are open to it.

More often than not the Call we hear does not sound logical. It is a feeling that comes from deep inside us. The Call makes us feel ecstatic and yet makes us uncomfortable at the same time.

We have been conditioned not to trust our feelings and intuition, but give more credence to what seems logical, practical, and predictable.

But, think about it, which truly great achievement started as something logical, practical, and predictable?

It is entirely our choice whether to take the risk to change careers, invest our nest egg in a new business, or whether we really want to sacrifice our evenings and weekends to take that degree programme.

If we choose to answer the calling then we are embarked on our Hero's Journey.

What have you being called to do or to become? It is often useful to answer this in the form of a symbol or metaphor. E.g. I am being called to be a lighthouse for my children.

CROSSING THE THRESHOLD

The Hero Crosses the Threshold, to leave his unfulfilling Ordinary World and steps into the Special World.

With one foot in the Special World, the Hero is confronted by new sights and sounds, new learnings, surprises, adventures and experiences.

The Hero feels out of place, uncomfortable, inexperienced.

The Hero’s previous thoughts of the Special World are shaken by its realities.

The Hero begins to doubt himself, “What was I thinking to leave my Ordinary World behind?”

We’ve all been in situations like this.

The first obstacles the Hero meets are the Threshold Guardians.

Threshold Guardians are often emotional obstacles. It might be a feeling, a memory, a nightmare or anything that prevents the Hero from moving forward in his Hero’s Journey.

What is your threshold? What is the unknown territory, outside your comfort zone, that the crisis is forcing you into or you must enter into in order to deal with the challenge?

MEETING THE MENTOR

When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

The Mentor can appear in many forms. It could be a wise person, a good book, a long lost friend, a pet, an insight that comes to you unexpectedly, a traumatic event that is a wake up call.

The Mentor will give the Hero a great gift and this great gift is none other than the treasures that already exist inside the Hero all this time.

These are great gifts which the Hero always has. All that is needed is for a Mentor to make the Hero aware of them.

These gifts are qualities like love, compassion, strength, joy, confidence, persistence, courage, integrity, optimism, and so on.

Once you know your gifts, you can claim them and harness their great power to serve you.

Once you claim your gifts, you have the resources to overcome the demons that stop you like fear of the unknown, uncertainty, and need for security.

Who are your mentors?

What resources do you have or which you need to develop more fully in order to face the challenge?

FACING THE ORDEAL

The way to the hero’s prize is blocked by problems and adversaries that threaten to derail his journey.

This is the hero’s darkest moment. The hero confronts death or his greatest fear.

The hero’s own shortcomings, disadvantage, or lack of knowledge make the demons seem invincible. The cause looked like it was almost lost.

The hero persists, faces up to all his shortcomings courageously, takes on the demons squarely and triumphed.

What are the demons you must face?

HERO IS TRANSFORMED

Coming through the ordeal transforms the hero into someone wiser, more capable and powerful. In overcoming the ordeal the hero:

     a. develops special skills, or

     b. discovers special resources or tools.

HERO RECEIVES THE REWARD

The hero overcome great odds, fought his way through the ordeal, defeated his demons and finally seized the reward - the treasure which he had chosen when he first set his intention, when he accepted the calling that started his hero's journey.

HERO RETURNS WITH THE ELIXIR

The hero’s journey is not complete until he uplifted the community with what he learned, gained, and accomplished. Success in completing the task which he has been called is not complete until he shared what he gained with the people who need his gifts or with those who helped him to get to where he is.

What does what you share mean to the community?

Where are you on your Hero's Journey?