The Magic Question - What Can I Give?

What is the answer to the question, “Who am I, really?”

We ask different questions at different stages of our lives.

At puberty and early childhood, we are preoccupied with questions of identity. We ask, “Who am I, really?”

This is the mother-lode of all questions about our life. It’s not a question we answer by saying, “I’m an engineer” or “I’m a dad.” It’s a question that requires deeper responses, like what I value, what brings me joy, what motivates me, the way I want to live my life.

Many of us never found the answer in our lifetime. Some which we thought were answers led instead to stress, disease, and even tragedies.

I believe we need to ask another question in order to get the answer to this one. We need a bit of reverse engineering.

In their elder years, people look back and ask themselves, had it all been worthwhile? What have I done with my life? Have I contributed anything of lasting value? What’s my legacy?

People tend not to ask these questions when they are young.

We don’t have to wait until we are old before we ask the question, “What have I given?” The earlier we ask the question, “What can I give?” the earlier we become wise enough to know the answer to the question, “Who am I really?”

Gandhi said that the best way to find ourselves is to lose ourselves in the service of others. The answer to “Who am I, really?” has to be found by answering the call “What can I give?”

Many Americans led fulfilling, purposeful lives by answering President Kennedy’s call to his countrymen to ask not what their country can do for them, but to ask what they can do for their country.

We get the most out of life not by taking what we can for ourselves, but by giving to others. Ask yourself - What have I done lately to help people out? Have I been kind to people? Have I been compassionate? Have I been there for anyone? Listened? Volunteered for those in need?

The magic question “What can I give?” is like a switch.

Our life force flows when we ask what we can give.

When we ask "What can I give?" we will look for our talents and gifts. What we look for, we will find. We will live a life of gratitude with an abundance mindset.

Asking the question, “What can I get” only leads to life sapping busyness. We become frantic go-getters.

When we ask "What can I get?" we will be looking for what is missing in our life. We will live a life of stress with a scarcity mindset.

Change your question from “what can I get” to “what can I give” and change your life.

As Aristotle said, your profession is where your talent and the needs of the world meet.

Find yourself, become a go-giver.

The Power of Nicknames

Now that you know the attributes of your authentic self, giving your authentic self a nickname is one of the ways you can stay connected with your true self.

Your nickname is like your super-hero identity.

Your nickname shall have two parts. The first part is an adjective (descriptive word) and the second part a noun.

Nicknames are metaphors that basically say "A is B" e.g. Edmund is a Creative Genius.

A metaphor makes a strong association between A and B. Everything about B is attributed to A. Thus A effectively becomes B i.e. Edmund becomes a Creative Genius. All attributes that a Creative Genius has, Edmund has.

The power of nicknames comes from the way that metaphors changes you by bringing new thinking and ideas, extending and changing the way that you think about yourself. (Click on this link for more on metaphors)

Furthermore, your nickname keeps your authentic self in focus as your nickname constantly reminds you of your authentic self and all its attributes. What you focus on expands and where attention goes energy flows.

This nickname creating exercise is simple, fun, and can literary be life changing.

Step 1 - Choose an adjective that best describes the authentic you. Come up with an adjective of your own choice, as you know yourself best.

Step 2 - Next choose a noun that best describes your authentic self. Again, come up with a noun of your own choice, as you know yourself best.

Step 3 - Now combine the adjective and noun that you have chosen to form your nickname. For example, Soaring Eagle, Resolute Rose, Amazing Star, Genius Artist, etc.

Here are some other examples of nicknames – of famous people.

The giving of nicknames is a powerful thing. To name yourself is to define yourself. To name yourself is to control how you see yourself.

Use this power to empower yourself.

Allow me to end this post on a lighter note with a nickname joke, just for laughs.

Authenticity Exercise

This 3-step exercise lets you see the life you are experiencing now as compared to what it is like when you are your authentic self.

Step 1 - Look at the lists of positive attributes below. Which of these words describe the authentic you? The ideal, best possible you at your fullest potential? Circle all these words. There is no limit on the number of words you circle as the authentic you has no limits of positive attributes. (Click on the image to get the enlarged view.)

Count the words you circled. The total number of positive attributes of the authentic you is                     .

Step 2 - Looking at the same lists of positive attributes again, which of these words describe how you see yourself today? Circle these words. (Click on the image to get the enlarged view.)

Count the words you circled. The total number of positive attributes of you today is                     .

Step 3 - Calculate your authenticity score:

Your score in step 2  ÷ Your score in step 1 x 10 = Your authenticity score

What is your authenticity score out of 10? Now you know how far or how close you are to your fullest potential.

Personal development is one of those things like our health, contribution to our community and family - those things which Stephen Covey calls Important but Not Urgent. People tend to not pay attention to these things until real trouble makes them impossible to ignore. By then, it is often too late.

By finding out your authenticity score, you have just taken a big step in personal development.

Now you know what your best self is, who you really are, I will share with you some tools on how to become your best possible you.